But When Are You Going To Have Children?
I love me a good party.
But inevitably someone is going to ask me the question that someone always HAS to ask “When are you going to have children.”
And, of course, you can’t get offended every time someone says something stupid because you’ve got a life to live and it’s too short to walk around feeling hard done by all the time.
BUT every time someone asks me this, I can’t help but sigh.
Because every time someone asks me this, they are reducing my experience to one option just because I have a uterus.
Life is so colourful and diverse with endless possibilities and pathways that can be taken. So many different coloured crayons can be chosen from the crayon box.
And thus far, I’ve used a lot of crayons. I’ve gone on a sobriety journey, I’ve completed studies, I’ve created, and I’ve travelled. I’ve been a mentor, a friend, a business owner, an Aunty, a pet mum, a sister, a daughter, and a girlfriend. But none of that is “enough” because I’m not a mother.
When people ask me this they don’t know my past, my traumas, my health status, my financial status, or even if my uterus “works” in that way.
We tell the young girls in our lives that they can grow up to be anything they want. A scientist, an artist, a teacher, an athlete, an astronaut. But what people really mean is that you can dream about those things but when you have a uterus, your one role is to be a mother. And if you’re not, you’re missing out somehow.
And I know a lot of mothers. Some people love the role. Others hate it and regret it. Some feel indifferent. All don’t feel like they solely identify as a mother.
However someone feels, it’s just ONE path that can be taken. So please, the next time you feel the urge to tell someone what to do with their reproductive system, keep your opinions to yourself.
The world could probably go through so much healing if everyone would just shut the fuck up sometimes.
Have you had a similar experience? Or maybe you are the person that asks people this question a lot? I’d love to hear your experience in the comments below.
Lots of light and love, Shalee xo
